this was written almost 5 years ago on February 8 2005.

death is what that makes life meaningful and gives life its meaning. it is the end in which humans live for. take away death then life becomes meaningless and life will then be the end


July 12, 2006: i want to live my life according to my own terms

July 26, 2006: how can you break your heart if it was already broken?

July 30, 2006: we are tormented because love goes on and not because love goes away

October 14, 2006: i will go away and hide at a corner of the world.see if you can find me

January 08, 2007: the greatest pain, in my opinion is to endure the pain of losing a friend.

August 3, 2009: Promise me maybes and say things you dont mean

August 25, 2009: vague useless gestures. bearing futile witness

the pain doesnt go away. no matter how much you try to convince me i will one day be able to live with all these. and i still dont know why. baby, why.

Remember by Christina Rosetti

Remember me when I am gone away,  
Gone far away into the silent land;  
When you can no more hold me by the hand,  
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.  
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:  
Only remember me; you understand  
It will be late to counsel then or pray.  
Yet if you should forget me for a while  
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave  
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
Better by far you should forget and smile  
Than that you should remember and be sad. 

it's fucking 2am and miche is sitting on mount faber, drinking and smoking and all she can think about is how the one person she loves wholeheartedly has abandoned her. Her pain and suffering means nothing to him and he is blind to every single shit she's been through for him. Why? why does miche mean nothing to him? miche gives up on his fucking world cause she no longer knows if she can survive another fucking dayeven if she does her heart will most probably be dead, maybe that's what he wants.

where do i stand in your life? did you mean all that you said that night? do you know that you are the first person, my friends wanted to meet? because they wanted to know who was this person who made me happy for once, since the day they knew me. and now, you want to walk away totally, in a split second. so what am i?

i told you a long time ago, be careful with me i am fragile in my head and in my heart. but when you decided that you were going to walk out on me without a word or explanation, you took away everything and broke whatever little that was left. now the pieces that lay around me are that of sadness and madness which alternates in its cycles and developments. it drives me up and down into weird, random and uncontrollable cycles of rage, wrath and crying. i hope you are happy now, because you dont want to care not that you cant. so watch me wont you, destroy myself and perhaps you in the process because you took away my soul and i have died inside. i dont care anymore. you have no idea what goes on in my head today and how happy i am thinking about the whole thing and how it makes me smile. maybe today i will be reduced to a slobbering crying mess again, who does nothing but stares into space into the darkness. the anger and rage in my head is so great that i need to hurt someone, dont worry, i wont hurt you, cause i promise that i would never do anything to harm you, but i cant promise anything else. why didnt you listen when i told you to be care with me, because i was fragile in my head and in my heart. why didnt you just listen for once. told you if you went, so would my sanity. so watch me now. watch the show.

really, suddenly being alive is no longer enough for anything or anyone. because the pain which once told me i was alive has now become the reason for me to die.

being alive is no longer enough.

someone show miche a way to make all of these go away. really just make all of these go away. miche doesnt know who else is there she can depend on anymore. so really. just make all of these go away. or miche will go far far away. take everything and go away.

very antithesis of love wasnt hate – it was apathy.

miche:highly eclectic personality:stationery junkie
loves notebooks, the smell of printed-paper and ink makers.
her first love in life is basketball.
enjoys the intellectual adrenaline of debating, the beauty of theatre and music.
loves rainy days and blue skies
an avid reader, collector of teddy bears.
wants to build an dog sanctuary.
finds solitude extremely soothing
loves writing/typing/texting in lower case.
highly interested in the theories of Fredrich Nietzsche and existentialism.
fan of German language and culture.
finds the fact that she is a cusp a unique feature of her life
God, friends, and family feature strongly in her life.
she likes referring to herself in third person, something most of her friends find freaky
has a death wish or so she thinks.


YOUNG CHANGEMAKERS
NATIONAL YOUTH FORUM '06
POETRY
MUSIC
VIDEOS
adriel
alaric
alessa
aramis
auggie
bern
bryan
charleen
charlene
da jie
de winne
elizabeth
hye ryoung
jakee babee
jajung
jeannie
jennifer
ji hyun
john leo caines
josh
joy
j.low
kaleni
leigh-anne
mark tan
melissa
meirlin's earrings enteprise
michelle
mishelle
mi-young
paul
rae
sam
sonia
mr otaku
tae yeon
terence
valerie

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1. 9/11 Commission Authorized Report
2. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
3. Human, All too Human - Friedrich Nietzsche
4. The Will to Power - Friedrich Nietzsche
5. Truth and Existence - J.P Sartre
6. Existentialism and Humanism - J.P Sartre
7. Fragile Things - Neil Gaiman
8. For One More Day - Mitch Albom
9. God is Dead
10. lullabies for little criminals - heather o'neill
>

1. The Queen
2. Confession of Pain (Shang Chen)
3. The Protege (Men Tu)
4. The Last Dance

BIRTHDAYS

birthday tree
the boss - 4 Jan
Elvin - 8 Jan
Gill - 10 Jan
WeiXiang - 13 Jan
Sam - 14 Jan
the grosmer - 26 Jan
Aaron - 1 Feb
Ben Yap - 2 Feb
Hiu Tung- 5 Feb
Ja Jung - 7 Feb
Josh Hoe - 8 Feb
Weilin - 13 Feb
Auyong - 20 Feb
Ting ting si - 25 Feb
Jik Han - 28 Feb
Yin - 2 March
Cheryl - 3 March
Christine - 20 March
Kenneth - 21 March
Chere - 26 March
Terence, Judith - 29 March
Meeschell - 30 March
Lex - 1 April
Mishelle - 1 April
Druggie - 7 April
Liz - 16 April
Melissa - 18 April
John Leo - 26 April
Hye Ryoung/the bunny - 30 April
Josh - 13 May
Jevan,Andre - 16 May
Kat/Siti - 20 May
Martino - 21 May
Seb/Rebecca - 22 May
Teddy - 23 May
T.K - 27 May
Aidan,Hon - 29 May
Jiajia - 31 May
fairy - 7 June
Cow - 8 June
the poh - 5 july
Char & Char - 17 July
Aramis - 21 July
Feli, Josh & Joe Nair - 28 July
Jennifer - 31 July
Paul - 7 Aug
Auggie/En Wei - 9 Aug
Mao Mao Chen - 13 Aug
Thazin - 14 Aug
Gurion - 16 Aug
Bryan, Seon Mi, Yilin - 20 Aug
Alessa - 25 Aug
Val - 3 Sept
Guy, Jac - 11 Sept
Rachel - 12 Sept
Mi-ran - 14 Sept
the tigger - 15 sept
Ji Hynn - 17 Sept
Nalli, Yint Zin - 20 Sept
Hello Kitty - 23 Sept
Leigh / Noel- 24 Sept
Celine - 25 Sept
Vicky - 26/27 Sept
Wint - 30 Sept
Ren - 1 Oct
Grace - 1 Oct
Mi-Young - 2 Oct
Sharm - 8 Oct
Marky - 10 Oct
the owl - 13 Oct
Jacob,Grace - 22 Oct
the eeyore - 23 Oct
Xiaodi - 28 Oct
Bo Lui - 30 Oct
Victoria - 4 Nov
Van - 14 Nov
Hai Ming - 19 Nov
Sun Min - 26 Nov
Zin Mee - 28 Nov
J Low - 29 Nov
Joy - 5 Dec
Nian Ting - 7 Dec
Luke - 27 Dec
Andy gom/Jhi Sheng - 31 Dec

50 things before miche dies

1. tell all the people she loves, that she loves them dearly.
2. send a personalised note/letter/gift to all her good friends and people who have touched her life, telling them how important they are and how they have made her life worthwhile.
3. spend a quiet but meaningful evening with her parents.
4. spend a quiet but meaningful evening with her god-family.
5. save a stray dog or two.
6. travel to prague.
7. give my teddy bears away.
8. try to write a decent poem or short story.
9. pay attention in class for once.
10. learn to forgive herself and those who have perhaps done her wrong.
11. drive to thailand.
12. walk down orchard road dressed in pink and purple only.
13. picnic by the beach
14. finish reading "dreams of the red chamber" in chinese
15. get the giant teddy bear i always wanted.
16. perform one last time
17. buy a dress / skirt
18. watch a cheesy, tacky, gawdy comedy - BRUNO or TROPIC THUNDER
19. pat a snake
20. throw a party on a bus
21. sky dive and bungee jump
22. walk all around singapore - halfway there
23. eat nothing but vegetables for a week - kinda stop eating
24. burn all her photos, diaries and letters. delete this blog.
25. cry with all her might
26. be happy and try to stay happy till the end
27. be amazed by the simple things in life
28. sleep at least 8 hours per day and not more than 10 for a week
29. write a letter to johnny depp
30. plant something
31. be a organ donor, give whatever can still be used. (not my liver though, too much alcohol in it)
32. get blind drunk, like seriously blind drunk
33. draw/paint/compose a last picture
34. she hates taking pictures, but yeah, take a picture with all her loved ones.
35. be totally ladylike for a whole day. (i.e. dont swear, curse or be mean)
36. cycle to changi and back.
37. attend church everyday
38. take all the bus services available in singapore
39. get 2 tattoos
40. buy cup noodles and eat them by the roadside. well i ate by the beach, doesnt count right
41. colour her hair in multi-hues
42. draw up a will
43. climb a tree
44. remember to smile.
45. compete in one last basketball tournament
46. debate competitively one last time
47. eat all the gelato she wants
48. eat all the dairy products she wants
49. celebrate the life that's been
50. Thank God.
CREDITS