Friday, February 24, 2006 @3:57 AM
writing in to the virtual space, after a while one no longer cares or bothers who is reading the things they are writing. all the self exercised caution. one no longer knows why one writes. for the world to see your life? for the world to comment? for the world to judge? or is there an inherent exhibitionist streak in all of us who blog for the world to see.
in the middle of the night and i am wide awake. technically i am supposed to be writing a speech for submission tomorrow. i guess i shall write it tomorrow. as usual. i have no inspiration to write it now. wanted to draft an email to send it to someone to read. then i realise that i have no one to send that email to. how sad. how very very sad. actually i dont have much to say. actually i dont even have anything to say.
i want nothing. even if i wanted something, it would be something you cant never give me. i cannot force you to feel anything you dont feel or dont want to feel. i cant expect anyone, you to be responsible for the choices i made and the steps i choose to take. after a while, everything i feel is meaningless. not that it really matters anyway, there is no real meaning to any of this.
i dont even know what i am missing anymore.
Good luck all for the competition tonight. =)
Monday, February 20, 2006 @1:19 AM
you know how sometimes after being so tired for so long, it becomes such a part of your daily emotions that being tired becomes a normality. such a normality that ceased to feel it at all. after a while you just dont bother to want to explain anything to anyone.
passion, happiness and joy. sometimes they seem so far from my reach in so many ways, after a while you become skeptical as to whether you can really ever attain them.
these few weeks i have come to believe that almost everything is a human construct. that everything inherent doesnt have a value especially intangible things such as love etc etc. Nietzsche once espoused and declared that GOD is dead because he believed that GOD or rather the concept of God is a human construction that is put in place to enforce certain standards of morality and value. I know that this is deeply controversial and contrary to my own religious belief, but to look at it in an objective sense, morality and values and social codes how did they really come about. Human constructs to a certain extent aint they. I truly believe in the existence of GOD and that whoever or whatever GOD may be, GOD has done wonders in my life. and i am constantly learning to be appreciative of it and be grateful, struggling to find my way slowly, gradually, i dont know if it is surely, back to where i am supposed to be.
given that i have been feeling that everything is a human construct to a certain extent, means that i have no real faith or feeling towards all these things. the artifice and artificiality of the things and perhaps even people around me just pushes me further and further back into my desire to be isolated and alone. i am thankful and grateful for the friends i have who truly understands my needs and thoughts and i draw whatever strength i can from them. but i cant be the pillar and provide of support to everyone all the time, for now i only have the strength for one or two and the team that needs me the most for now.
i dont know when i would be better or feel better or if things would even get better. i will try as i am always doing. but believe me when i say that it is exhausting and tiring and i am tempted to give up more than i am driven to go on trying. and i am not afraid to admit this now, no point hiding it, i think and i seriously do, i have lost all sense of direction and control of my life as of now. slowly attempting to move back on track, but i need to do it at my own time and pace.
i dont want anyone to worry excessively. but i do feel that you have right to know. you guys are after all my friends and friends arent meant to keep things like that from each other. but this is all i would tell you. dont probe is all i ask of you. i am a deeply private person down inside, access to my innermost self is strictly forbidden (haha) unless i really really really trust you. hahah which is rare since most of the time i cant even trust myself. hahaha
anyway, miche hopes that everything is alright with everyone else. cheer up if there is anything troubling you, you know GOD is always there to learn you a shoulder to ride on whichever religion you believe in. GOD is good, all the time.
Sunday, February 19, 2006 @12:32 AM
藉口
翻著我們的照片 想念若隱若現
去年的冬天 我們笑得很甜
看著妳哭泣的臉, 對著我說再見
來不及聽見 妳已走得很遠
也許妳已經放棄我 也許已經很難回頭
我知道是自己錯過 請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我
就算是我不懂 能不能原諒我
請不要把分手當作妳的請求
我知道堅持要走 是妳受傷的藉口
請妳回頭 我會陪妳一直走到最後
就算沒有結果 我也能夠承受
我知道妳的痛 是我給的承諾
妳說給過我縱容 沉默是因為包容
如果要走 請妳記得我 如果難過 請妳忘了我
Tuesday, February 14, 2006 @12:25 AM
"You're Beautiful"
My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.
Quotes of Friedrich Nietzsche
Altered opinions do not alter a man's character (or do so very little); but they do illuminate individual aspects of the constellation of his personality which with a different constellation of opinions had hitherto remained dark and unrecognizable.
All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.
At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.
In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence and loathing seizes him.
Friday, February 03, 2006 @12:00 AM
Looking at your situation,
There's so much that you can do,
Now's the time to make your
stand.
This is just an observation,
In the end it's up to you,
The future's
in your hands.
