this was part of the poem which miche was reading the other day. totally taken out of context, but still you know. haha. somehow fitting with miche's life and damn it. miche cant sleep again.

vague uses gestures. bearing futile witness.

things which miche does. or supposedly do.

the greatest irony of my life, i know that my depression is irrational. and yet, no amount of rationality is going to stop that irrationality. aaron was right, my determination is both at once my greatest strength and my fatal flaw. is this harmatia i wonder. but no doubt, i have yet to achieve or attain any form of catharsis. and i smile strangely at myself, amused at how the irrationality is indeed becoming mania and rage, going a little weird up there. because beyond the depression, the worse thing is the intellectual and rational recognition that this is all irrational. yet, i cant snap out of it. so what is left, is to laugh at my own ridiculous-ness, my own irrationality in an attempt to make sense out of insensibility. too much laughter and i will start to descend again. welcome to my world of emotional roller-circles where no one knows where the beginning and end is. and i guess no one will ever find it the start and the conclusion.

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to

Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

i am tired. i am very very tired. i am exhausted to the point in which i really dont know what to say to anyone anymore. i woke up this morning and was decidedly depressed. work is making my depression worse. it really is. i dont know what else to do and i dont know what else to feel. i feel claustrophobic. i feel suffocated. physically, i really do. i feel as if at times, i cant even breathe. increasingly, i just want to collapse and die. literally collapse and die. i dont even know what to say to him when he asks me what is wrong. i can only mutter under my breath i am tired. i dont think i can go on anymore, this time i think it is for real. because my head is no longer clear. and it is no longer rationally telling me that i need to go on. but that it is perhaps time to give up.

miche needs a sign from somewhere. God, can you hear her?

miche is proud of you auyoung, though you do seriously embarass us by dancing in the middle of suntec to joshie's boom-beats and repeatedly demonstration how to do the body wave. and miche is happy for all the rest of you. miche knew that one day you would overtake her and that is what you guys are on your way to do. =)

more people to add to list who will take care of miche in her old age. whoever told miche that she needed to marry and have kids, haha. please.

miche misses the days of the past where all she did was to party and have fun. it didnt matter where she was, in a pub, in a club or in the lounge of some posh hotel. where all that matters was who she was with and what she was doing. those days were fun and carefree and strangely, miche felt more adult than she does now. for some reason, it feels as if there is some sort of retrogression in her life and that she is now a kid more than an adult.

being around people really doesnt do her any good. miche is becoming more and more claustrophobic and anti-social, and more and more she is retreating back into her ownself and would rather be alone than to go out. staying in the room has become kinda fun.

miche has a strange craving for KFC all of a sudden. all these unhealthy food.

many years ago, in borders miche came across this postcard and she bought only 1 piece and now it is out of print. but it has remained miche's fave photo since then. miche wants to be like the dog in the picture. happy and blissful, because it has a teddy to hug.

check out artunlimited.

i am one day late. but happy birthday anyway.

Promise me maybes and say things you don't mean
Rain fall from concrete coloured sky
No boy, don't speak now you just
Drive, drive, drive

miche:highly eclectic personality:stationery junkie
loves notebooks, the smell of printed-paper and ink makers.
her first love in life is basketball.
enjoys the intellectual adrenaline of debating, the beauty of theatre and music.
loves rainy days and blue skies
an avid reader, collector of teddy bears.
wants to build an dog sanctuary.
finds solitude extremely soothing
loves writing/typing/texting in lower case.
highly interested in the theories of Fredrich Nietzsche and existentialism.
fan of German language and culture.
finds the fact that she is a cusp a unique feature of her life
God, friends, and family feature strongly in her life.
she likes referring to herself in third person, something most of her friends find freaky
has a death wish or so she thinks.


YOUNG CHANGEMAKERS
NATIONAL YOUTH FORUM '06
POETRY
MUSIC
VIDEOS
adriel
alaric
alessa
aramis
auggie
bern
bryan
charleen
charlene
da jie
de winne
elizabeth
hye ryoung
jakee babee
jajung
jeannie
jennifer
ji hyun
john leo caines
josh
joy
j.low
kaleni
leigh-anne
mark tan
melissa
meirlin's earrings enteprise
michelle
mishelle
mi-young
paul
rae
sam
sonia
mr otaku
tae yeon
terence
valerie

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1. 9/11 Commission Authorized Report
2. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
3. Human, All too Human - Friedrich Nietzsche
4. The Will to Power - Friedrich Nietzsche
5. Truth and Existence - J.P Sartre
6. Existentialism and Humanism - J.P Sartre
7. Fragile Things - Neil Gaiman
8. For One More Day - Mitch Albom
9. God is Dead
10. lullabies for little criminals - heather o'neill
>

1. The Queen
2. Confession of Pain (Shang Chen)
3. The Protege (Men Tu)
4. The Last Dance

BIRTHDAYS

birthday tree
the boss - 4 Jan
Elvin - 8 Jan
Gill - 10 Jan
WeiXiang - 13 Jan
Sam - 14 Jan
the grosmer - 26 Jan
Aaron - 1 Feb
Ben Yap - 2 Feb
Hiu Tung- 5 Feb
Ja Jung - 7 Feb
Josh Hoe - 8 Feb
Weilin - 13 Feb
Auyong - 20 Feb
Ting ting si - 25 Feb
Jik Han - 28 Feb
Yin - 2 March
Cheryl - 3 March
Christine - 20 March
Kenneth - 21 March
Chere - 26 March
Terence, Judith - 29 March
Meeschell - 30 March
Lex - 1 April
Mishelle - 1 April
Druggie - 7 April
Liz - 16 April
Melissa - 18 April
John Leo - 26 April
Hye Ryoung/the bunny - 30 April
Josh - 13 May
Jevan,Andre - 16 May
Kat/Siti - 20 May
Martino - 21 May
Seb/Rebecca - 22 May
Teddy - 23 May
T.K - 27 May
Aidan,Hon - 29 May
Jiajia - 31 May
fairy - 7 June
Cow - 8 June
the poh - 5 july
Char & Char - 17 July
Aramis - 21 July
Feli, Josh & Joe Nair - 28 July
Jennifer - 31 July
Paul - 7 Aug
Auggie/En Wei - 9 Aug
Mao Mao Chen - 13 Aug
Thazin - 14 Aug
Gurion - 16 Aug
Bryan, Seon Mi, Yilin - 20 Aug
Alessa - 25 Aug
Val - 3 Sept
Guy, Jac - 11 Sept
Rachel - 12 Sept
Mi-ran - 14 Sept
the tigger - 15 sept
Ji Hynn - 17 Sept
Nalli, Yint Zin - 20 Sept
Hello Kitty - 23 Sept
Leigh / Noel- 24 Sept
Celine - 25 Sept
Vicky - 26/27 Sept
Wint - 30 Sept
Ren - 1 Oct
Grace - 1 Oct
Mi-Young - 2 Oct
Sharm - 8 Oct
Marky - 10 Oct
the owl - 13 Oct
Jacob,Grace - 22 Oct
the eeyore - 23 Oct
Xiaodi - 28 Oct
Bo Lui - 30 Oct
Victoria - 4 Nov
Van - 14 Nov
Hai Ming - 19 Nov
Sun Min - 26 Nov
Zin Mee - 28 Nov
J Low - 29 Nov
Joy - 5 Dec
Nian Ting - 7 Dec
Luke - 27 Dec
Andy gom/Jhi Sheng - 31 Dec

50 things before miche dies

1. tell all the people she loves, that she loves them dearly.
2. send a personalised note/letter/gift to all her good friends and people who have touched her life, telling them how important they are and how they have made her life worthwhile.
3. spend a quiet but meaningful evening with her parents.
4. spend a quiet but meaningful evening with her god-family.
5. save a stray dog or two.
6. travel to prague.
7. give my teddy bears away.
8. try to write a decent poem or short story.
9. pay attention in class for once.
10. learn to forgive herself and those who have perhaps done her wrong.
11. drive to thailand.
12. walk down orchard road dressed in pink and purple only.
13. picnic by the beach
14. finish reading "dreams of the red chamber" in chinese
15. get the giant teddy bear i always wanted.
16. perform one last time
17. buy a dress / skirt
18. watch a cheesy, tacky, gawdy comedy - BRUNO or TROPIC THUNDER
19. pat a snake
20. throw a party on a bus
21. sky dive and bungee jump
22. walk all around singapore - halfway there
23. eat nothing but vegetables for a week - kinda stop eating
24. burn all her photos, diaries and letters. delete this blog.
25. cry with all her might
26. be happy and try to stay happy till the end
27. be amazed by the simple things in life
28. sleep at least 8 hours per day and not more than 10 for a week
29. write a letter to johnny depp
30. plant something
31. be a organ donor, give whatever can still be used. (not my liver though, too much alcohol in it)
32. get blind drunk, like seriously blind drunk
33. draw/paint/compose a last picture
34. she hates taking pictures, but yeah, take a picture with all her loved ones.
35. be totally ladylike for a whole day. (i.e. dont swear, curse or be mean)
36. cycle to changi and back.
37. attend church everyday
38. take all the bus services available in singapore
39. get 2 tattoos
40. buy cup noodles and eat them by the roadside. well i ate by the beach, doesnt count right
41. colour her hair in multi-hues
42. draw up a will
43. climb a tree
44. remember to smile.
45. compete in one last basketball tournament
46. debate competitively one last time
47. eat all the gelato she wants
48. eat all the dairy products she wants
49. celebrate the life that's been
50. Thank God.
CREDITS