Friday, November 17, 2006 @3:23 AM
okay, miche feels that she has had enough of her existentialist angst, well at least for now, tempted to call it existentialist nonsense, but no, it isnt nonsense. anyway, yes, she has had enough of being grumpy and grouchy, so she decided to be nice.
so here is an entry to her greatest friends in NUS. (man, everything i typed that, i am reminded of how we kinda literally study in crap. hahahah okay, another time)
for all the wonderful and fantastic times we had in tutorials, laughing at the greek gods and luke, for all the wonderful and deep discussions we had over beckett and simmons,
for all the great shows we watched harry porter and narnia,
for all the great meals we had (in the deck no less, and recently fong seng),
for all the silly jokes we came up with and how we are able to entertain ourselves endlessly
for hours on the end, for all the times we sat at AS7 doing our presentations or just nothing at all.
For the brown that luke loves and that one day in the library,
for all the shopping that mer and janelle goes on and on about and how they became daemons, for all the smells and terrible bus and taxi rides ren had to endure just to come to school,
for all the times mark had to endure my nonsense and "spousal abuse"
and for all the times, you guys thought i was drunk and hence not in class that morning.
(oh man, i am beginning to sound like Smart in
Jubilate Agno!!!!!)
miche presents the five people who made her life in nus, livable and fun. here to you, DW Star + One.
luke, renee, miche, janelle, mer
renee, mer, janelle, miche
such a cutsey photo!
marky, the one and only, actually he looks much better in real life. my fault, bad photography skills.
miche loves you guys and now back to battling beckett (oooooohhh, alliteration!)
Thursday, November 16, 2006 @9:09 PM
fairy tales the korean way. receieved an email from my korean friend today. was an email that was really sweet, not just in the msg that she wrote to me, but sweet in the sense of the things that has happened for her.
in some way, perhaps then fairy tales do happen. i am really happy for her, to find the happiness she wanted. i can so imagine and picture her, smiling to herself as she wrote the email to me, language abilities aside, i am sure she is extremely happy and i could feel the bliss radiating from the words of the screen.
i guess it is always nice and sweet to be told that you are loved. to know that you are adored. to know that no matter what happens, how big the trouble, how heavy the pressure, how great the pain, there will always be someone whom you can run to for a hug, to tell you that everything will be alright and you will be fine. it is always nice to know that for all the things you are, you are appreciated.
i have always believed that the true test of a friendship, the true test of a relationship, lies not in the ability to share happy times together. of course it is extremely important to share happy times together. it is important that the person you are with, is the first person you want to tell all your forutnes and blessings to. that you want to share the happiness with. but the true measure of a friendship / relationship lies in the willingness of the other party to hang on to the friendship/relationship in troubled times. it is equally important that the person is able to stick through thin and thick, when you are down and unhappy. because happy people need perhaps less emotional and psychological support than unhappy people.
but yes, i am extremely glad for you my dear friend, that you found someone (13 years, it took 13 years for it to come true). stay happy. i wish i could fly there to see you. =)
JI HYUN: i dont know if you will get my email to you in time. but i just want to wish you all the best for your trip to the UK. dont worry too much my dear, i am sure you will fine over there. just remember, you can always call or email me if you feel lonely in the UK by yourself. but other do take great care of yourself there.
miche tells herself she should stop blogging, and write her essay instead. (shush you silly child).
Wednesday, November 15, 2006 @9:16 PM
a whole lot of anger towards the world today. anger towards people who cant understand written instructions, printed in black and white. anger towards incompetent people who do nothing but always want to claim credit for things they have never done. anger towards the amount of work i have to do. anger towards people who procrastinate in telling crucial information to those who need to hear it most. anger towards you for continuing to ignore me. anger towards you for persisting on hanging around when i have decided otherwise. anger towards someone who doesnt have the guts to face up to reality. anger anger anger anger anger.
my head hurts. tell me what to do when nothing is certain, especially when it comes to
you.
miche succumbed to vice and bought a post-it pad today. still searching for meaning in an enhanced fit of existentialist angst.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 @1:01 AM
miche knows she often comes across as being opinionated and aggressive, but really she tries rather hard to maintain a neutral outlook on things and people. because she knows that people do things differently and think differently, she might not agree but unless they really disturb her sensibilities she really cant be bothered.
but you know something, posting parliamentary speeches on the blog is really the lowest you can go. like you know, as if the hip hop thing isnt getting enough criticism (they have to talk about it in parliament), the blog idea itself wasnt bad enough (hardly anything really interesting is being written....okay that is what i think) but really. parliamentary speeches take the kick.
you know what, seriously, perhaps connecting with the youths is really becoming something that you just have to wait for. just wait.
miche's feeling a little absurd; searching blindly for meaning in a fit of existential angst. freak.
Friday, November 10, 2006 @3:02 PM
dionysus. apollo. aphrodite. two more other gods.
miche cant believe that she and her friends have the capability to make jokes and self entertain themselves with such innate topics and issues that no one will think of. like seriously, they spend hours sitting around and poking fun at themselves and more often than not, think of some character or scenario in some play or book and burst out laughing. anyway, being the random person she is, this isnt what miche set out to blog about tonight.
for some random reason, miche and mer spent a good part of their msn conversation this afternoon, talking about greek gods. actually, we were inspired by the apollonian structure of mr chua's endless elipsis, open-en... thesis. so yeah, and dionysus the god that gave Midas the golden touch, is one big loser. hahaha but then again, if these olympian gods lived in our times, miche will sure marry dionysus, cause he is the god of wine and merry making. totally randon, wild and uninhibited, just like her. most of all, since he is the god of wine, miche will get to drink all the wine and most probably alcohol she wants. but dionysus is quite a loser, he doesnt havet the guts to stand up to people. like half the time on his travels, he gets insulted and imprisoned but he does virtually nothing and leaves it to zeus his immortal olympian god of a father to punish these people.
miche once made a comment in the middle of sci-fi class, that the greek gods enjoyed family reunions in hell. i.e tartarus. why cause Zeus threw his father and the titans (the family of gods prior to Zeus and the Olympians) to tartarus. Cronus, Zeus' father, castrated his own father Uranus to take over the throne and Cronus ate all his children until Zeus' mommy got pissed and tricked Cronus into thinking that a piece of rock was Zeus and so Zeus survived. these greeks are rather kinky and they have really amusing greek stories to tell.
oh goodness, what a random post. miche is so random and terribly self-reflexive about the whole thing. somehow, utterly shameless about herself as well. (that is why miche is so hated half the time, cause she is really mean and downright rude to people who disturbs her sensibilities or principles, but she does it with a total air of self recognition and she says it out)you know what, i am really the most random person i know.
on a sidenote, i christened rens' thesis "Swinging Back and Forth: Reading
Foucault's Pendulum and mer's as "Shrouded by Haze: towards an understanding of literary historicism in Indonesia", luke's "endless elipsis: J.M Coetzee's
Elizabeth Coestello and
Slowmanthere are so many things i really want to tell you, because you are important to me and in my life. but i dont know how to tell them to you because i get the sense that you dont want to talk any more. and the truth is, we dont even talk anymore. it bothers me alot and makes me worried. worried that one day we will just drift apart and things will just end. i am incredibly fustrated with myself for half the things i do. terribly angry at myself for the things i do, say or feel. fustrated at the thought that perhaps the miche you see doesnt exist in real life, that in your head i am someone i am not. but i cant articulate it out to you because i somehow just cant. somehow, i still think you understand, or rather i would like to think you do.how stupid, dont you think?
Thursday, November 09, 2006 @5:08 AM
miche does not assume the burden of the world on her shoulders, she merely cares and gives too much to the people who matter to her. the rest of the world, she really cant be bothered.
see you read me wrong again and no she wasnt perceptive because she doesnt know me.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006 @4:33 PM
if miche took the advice, her full name would mean "she who is like God, belonging to God."
hmmmm...
@4:07 PM
this is what i believe, there is no such thing as a private blog. alright, this isnt as random as it seems, but yeah. was idly surfing the web when i was at lex's place last night. and i came across blog entries about wee shu min and the whole blogging business. and apparently her dad responded that it was a private blog and she should have her privacy respected (? or something along those lines) anyway, so yeah.
there is no such thing as a private blog. for a simple reason, we obviously write half the things we write and give our blog address to the people we know because we want to know what we are feeling or writing. and in fact, for manny of us, com on, we write with full knowledge and understanding that everything we write will be up for public voyuerism and consumption. by the truckloads in fact for some. so yeah, how can there be something called a private blog?
so yeah.
dont know why i'v been writing so much. miche's having a massive migraine now. W**
Tuesday, November 07, 2006 @5:48 PM
something in class yesterday, prompted me to blog about this. but i didnt get the chance to blog about it, cause i was being stupid the whole of yesterday. urgh, i swear i am an idiot when it comes to certain people and certain things. and i am a terribly horrid person to certain people as well(well people that matter or should matter but dont). okay, i figured that people most probably aint going to understand what i am going on about (sam told me the last time, he doesnt know what i am writing about at times. oh well, you arent meant to understand. haha)
anyway, yes back to what i was inspired to write about. something about photography in class was mentioned yesterday and i was reminded of the various conversations i have with my friends about taking photos. i really dont like taking photos, not that i detest it or i hate it,but i really dont like taking pictures. firstly, i usually look like crap (okay fine, i look like crap most of the time) and secondly, to me photographs are a really articifial way of capturing a moment when time doesnt stand still in that manner. not to mention, what is captured in that photograph may not be true reflection or referential mirror of the situation/time/context/person. it is all fake, although the premise of photography to some extent is about the republication of time/event/situation in its exactness; most natural state. but the point is, the moment is gone forever. i always found it a little sad, to look at photos and think about the memories and the past. only to realise that it is all gone and we cant never recuperate that moment.
besides, people like happy photos, somehow happy memories are like the only things worth remembering. alright, it is my belief that people are predisposed to accepting happiness and not really sadness. (the other night, i told someone that i have always been a little sad since the day you met me, and he replied but why) anyway, yeah for someone like me who have always been a little morose, a little sad, perenially depressed (just the magnitude and extent) and a little melancholic, to look at happy smiling photos make me think i am a little schizoprenic, a little surreal and abnormal. i feel strange looking at myself smiling away. for me, photos are a really futile way of trying to retain a moment that is gone, to hold on to a past which will never return. (there are many moments which i wish will never end, but i know will never be repeated ever in my entire life)
the photos i have of junior, makes me sad. cause i always feel the urge to hug her again, to feel her warm body at the foot of my bed, to feel her licking my hand to wake me up when she is hungry at noon. it makes me think of the times when we rolled about the floor of the living room, while she attempted to "bite" me. heh. i miss my dog so dearly. photos make me sad, rather than happy even when i look at happier times.
that is why, i rather not take pictures. but then the irony is, when i want to remember somethings by, there isnt any for me to look at. but my memories, which are sometimes clouded and vague and sometimes blurred by the wish and the desire to erase certain people and events out of my mind. (selective anmesia)actually, it is more about how, people have nothing to remember me by. hahah but then oh well, i am so self absorbed (truth be told, i realised that i am actually rather self-indulgent and self-absorbed, like most of the time i care for myself than others, in a weird way)
miche has come to realise that most of her friends are a little mad and crazy. she thinks it is something wrong with her.
Sunday, November 05, 2006 @6:24 PM
was really angry and annoyed and pissed off the whole of friday and a good part of saturday and it had nothing to do with the company i was with. i was really pissed off at how once again i am reminded of my own stupidity when it comes to certain people and how perhaps i have like totally wasted precious time of my life being nice and extremely nice to the people who matter a hell lot to me. i mean like you know, after a while you tell yourself that all the crap you have to put up with, just aint worth the pain and hurt and whatever you go through. perhaps it is true, that people matter more to me than i matter to them. oh well what's new right. anyway, so yeah i was really angry and annoyed and pissed off the whole of friday and a good part of saturday.
on a better note, i finished my eighteenth century essay (2000 words - okay it really aint that much to write, but judging on the basis that i didnt attend the class on johnson and i decided that i was going to write on him, give me some credit. =O )yeah gungholy i wrote on samuel johnson, who had this really hilarious and funny take on marriage. urgh i dont have the text with me now, otherwise i would have posted it up as well. but it's really funny. so yeah. i have 2 more essays to write, well at least one that i know off, going to be on samuel beckett's endgame. haha i like the name samuel and nope it has nothing to do with cheam or chan. i had always like the name samuel. heh. dont really like the name jeremy or shawn. but yeah.
i also caught my summer of love with rens and iida. it was such a nice film. when we went to get the tickets, half of the theatre was booked and i went, oh my i bet it's AWARE!. iida looked at me and laughed, and i realised i must have said it really loudly. hahah. caught a play on sat night as well (partly the reason why i was so pissed, not that i had to catch a play but yeah the person who was supposed to come and watch it with me.)
anyway, back to my summer of love, such a nice and rather bittersweet movie, but yeah something good to watch. oh man, i am going to watch DOA tmrw with drian and rens. hahah okay lah, the girls in the show are hot, so you know. okay that sounded lesbian, but really i dont care.
miche didnt go home last night and someone called her an inert gas.
