Tuesday, November 07, 2006 @5:48 PM
something in class yesterday, prompted me to blog about this. but i didnt get the chance to blog about it, cause i was being stupid the whole of yesterday. urgh, i swear i am an idiot when it comes to certain people and certain things. and i am a terribly horrid person to certain people as well(well people that matter or should matter but dont). okay, i figured that people most probably aint going to understand what i am going on about (sam told me the last time, he doesnt know what i am writing about at times. oh well, you arent meant to understand. haha)
anyway, yes back to what i was inspired to write about. something about photography in class was mentioned yesterday and i was reminded of the various conversations i have with my friends about taking photos. i really dont like taking photos, not that i detest it or i hate it,but i really dont like taking pictures. firstly, i usually look like crap (okay fine, i look like crap most of the time) and secondly, to me photographs are a really articifial way of capturing a moment when time doesnt stand still in that manner. not to mention, what is captured in that photograph may not be true reflection or referential mirror of the situation/time/context/person. it is all fake, although the premise of photography to some extent is about the republication of time/event/situation in its exactness; most natural state. but the point is, the moment is gone forever. i always found it a little sad, to look at photos and think about the memories and the past. only to realise that it is all gone and we cant never recuperate that moment.
besides, people like happy photos, somehow happy memories are like the only things worth remembering. alright, it is my belief that people are predisposed to accepting happiness and not really sadness. (the other night, i told someone that i have always been a little sad since the day you met me, and he replied but why) anyway, yeah for someone like me who have always been a little morose, a little sad, perenially depressed (just the magnitude and extent) and a little melancholic, to look at happy smiling photos make me think i am a little schizoprenic, a little surreal and abnormal. i feel strange looking at myself smiling away. for me, photos are a really futile way of trying to retain a moment that is gone, to hold on to a past which will never return. (there are many moments which i wish will never end, but i know will never be repeated ever in my entire life)
the photos i have of junior, makes me sad. cause i always feel the urge to hug her again, to feel her warm body at the foot of my bed, to feel her licking my hand to wake me up when she is hungry at noon. it makes me think of the times when we rolled about the floor of the living room, while she attempted to "bite" me. heh. i miss my dog so dearly. photos make me sad, rather than happy even when i look at happier times.
that is why, i rather not take pictures. but then the irony is, when i want to remember somethings by, there isnt any for me to look at. but my memories, which are sometimes clouded and vague and sometimes blurred by the wish and the desire to erase certain people and events out of my mind. (selective anmesia)actually, it is more about how, people have nothing to remember me by. hahah but then oh well, i am so self absorbed (truth be told, i realised that i am actually rather self-indulgent and self-absorbed, like most of the time i care for myself than others, in a weird way)
miche has come to realise that most of her friends are a little mad and crazy. she thinks it is something wrong with her.
