Saturday, July 03, 2004 @3:18 AM
i should really stop spending my nights up,doing nothing but staring into the computer screen. sighs, i think i am really bored. why? hmmm let me see, well basically, all my good friends are attached and therefore are spending most of their daylight, and even non-daylight hours with their boyfriends whom they seem so terribly attached to. also because i truly have no one to hang out with.
sometimes i feel that because this blog is open to all of you guys, there are somethings that i cant write, or rather things that i would never write or put to words here. why simple cause, they are aint things which i should let you guys know. sometimes i have to admit that i am really guarded in the things i put up on the blog. i guess it is also because i try to be happy here, well at least for you guys.
if i were to be very very frank, i guess you guys would have a totally different impression of me. haha i dont know, but i guess to many of you i am some kind of big sister who listens to you, give you advice, spend time with you guys joking. well in a way i am. but there is also another part of me that many of you cannot famthom. it is a long long story.
i am thinking again. i dont know why, but i am thinking again. i have not really written for a long time. i just couldnt write anything at all. words just would not flow. i think the fact that most of my friends aint free for me has gotten me thinking again. i do that all the time when i am alone which is why after a while you would realise that the adults around me would not leave me to myself for long periods. cos i start to think.
oh well. that is life i guess. you know in some ways, as much as i dont not like being with children and kids (auyong this is all your doing!!!!! hahaha) i feel some kind of obigation to help them. hahah you guys wont believe it i was a havoc kid in sch not that i am not now. i think i have calmed down now, and i am more subdue in the way i choose to see and deal with things. maybe that is why most of you guys think that i am 28 or something. i am not that old!!! heh heh =)
auyong asked me something really interesting the other day. he asked me what are my views on BGR. what can i say man? my younger brother around your age group. sec three. angsty teenage pharse. hahha i have to deal with him everyday man. everyday. hahah =) oh well. i told auyong that i dont have strong views on it. and he asked why. no whys lah, most of us will go through it somehow,someway. some of us will have great memories of our "Chu Lian Qing Ren" and our first loves, which we will reminesces about years later and tell your kids about. while some would rather have a concussion and get anmesia and forget everything i know i would. hahah oh well. so why then should i have any objections. only one thing to say, be practical about the relationships you get into now. why? cos most of them wont last. =) painfully true. heh heh.
i might have had issues with staying in singapore. and i might hate the fact that i am seriously entrapped here. but you know something i am thankful, thankful that in return i have you guys as friends. truly, not saying this to make myself look like some kind of saint or what. i guess this is what GOD wanted me to stay for.
anyway, love you guys.
what would i be without you? hahah.
