the greatest irony of my life, i know that my depression is irrational. and yet, no amount of rationality is going to stop that irrationality. aaron was right, my determination is both at once my greatest strength and my fatal flaw. is this harmatia i wonder. but no doubt, i have yet to achieve or attain any form of catharsis. and i smile strangely at myself, amused at how the irrationality is indeed becoming mania and rage, going a little weird up there. because beyond the depression, the worse thing is the intellectual and rational recognition that this is all irrational. yet, i cant snap out of it. so what is left, is to laugh at my own ridiculous-ness, my own irrationality in an attempt to make sense out of insensibility. too much laughter and i will start to descend again. welcome to my world of emotional roller-circles where no one knows where the beginning and end is. and i guess no one will ever find it the start and the conclusion.