Sunday, July 30, 2006 @12:19 PM
we are tormented because love goes on and not because love goes away.hadnt had the chance to catch the lakehouse, but i managed to lay my hands on Il Mare, the korean original of the show and that was one of the lines, the female lead wrote in her letters to the male lead.
the rain makes everything so gloomy, but yet cosy. i love rainy days.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 @12:10 PM
How can you hold someone you never met?
How can you lose someone you never had?
How can you love someone who never existed?
How can you break your heart if it was already broken?
such sad taglines. only hollywood can come up with them.
i wanna watch the lakehouse.
by the way, i am flying off on august 7. sorry xue qian, happy birthday in advance. =)
Sunday, July 23, 2006 @3:48 PM
i am going off to korea in two weeks time. it is a month long trip with 3 other people i hardly know. haha. how wonderful. my one and only asks if i am going off with some random guy i met. hahah nope. i am not.
strangely, i feel that i am going with a heavy heart, because things can change in a month. and most probably will. but all the rest are so excited with the trip. =)
i came up with an mrt board game. guess what inspired me? the silly mrt game that xue qian and the rest use to play during dep camps. the one where you scream the mrt station. well i dont know how to play that game, but it sure gave me an idea. haha it is a mrt line singapore trivia board game! hahaha. but we intend to leave the thing in korea.
been addicted to accoustic music recently, must have been that night at timbre. haha.
i am going to miss june when she goes off to melbourne in aussieland to be with her husband. going to miss having her around. =(
Tuesday, July 18, 2006 @12:37 AM
i took a walk down memory lane today and last thursday. havent been back to acjc for a while now. it was nice to be back in school. in the night when all the bustle and hustle of school life is absent. as i walked through the hallways and corridors, i remembered the many little places where i sneaked away for a nap or the corner in the void deck where the teachers would always find me. i looked out at the cabin classrooms, the nls or the happy lodge as we called them in those days. the third window where i sat in the class (the few times i actually attended class), looking out at the squirrels climbing up the electrical cables, or wishing that the recess bell will ring soon.
i recalled the days in class, when all i had to do was to distract our tutors with random questions and articles from the economist and the whole class could escape the fate of being scolded for not doing our tutorials. or the days when i got away in gp, because i always wrote my gp essays in chinese lesson. or when lao shi chided me for refusing to converse with her in chinese, and her joking tone, you ah, what happened to the A for chinese?
i recalled the hours spent with rens and the rest of the crew, with roger (teddy) and elvin and all the rest, painting the sets, splicing the lights, sewing sequins and costumes along the great big hall way of lt 1,2 and 3. painting the set for sinner in the void deck and that one day when i was painted into the square in the middle of the set and stood there for almost 2 hours waiting for the entire set to dry. or that night, when it rained so heavily taht we were stuck in the canteen unable to transport the lino to el 5 and we promptly did a dance in the rain. the times as well when madam caught roger and i sleeping on the couch meant for the last scene in cyrano. the times when we sat back stage and fed each other, or the conversations in chinese to annoy elvin and alex. the light sticks boy and our door keepers. the paint stains in the middle of the void deck. the day when 4 of 6 vending machines malfunctioned (we blew the sockets). treading our way carefully in the darkness of the theatre, our imitation of the dances in cyrano.
i remembered the hours i spent in the classrooms of level 2 and 3. debating and training with the national team. the times we had in there reading all our materials and research. the hours of debrief, running out to buy dinner and lunch. the hours we spent there cracking our brains over some obscure motion, that we did not for the world understood. the first time, the ij girls met me, in that anorexia debate, which made al and the rest so afraid of me.
the rooftop garden where the 22 of us took our honours roll photos. the only night i willing went on stage to receive a prize. the night where my parents admited for the first time, that i made a right choice in coming to acjc. the consultation room,where i "cheated" all my tutors in giving me consultation one on one, when i lost my chaucer essays (mr welch gave them back to me personally after that day) or when i agonised over my s lit essays and texts. where ms mahaini, "complained" that i wrote too many essays.
the void deck and canteen and all other parts of school that is filled with memories of my friends and i having fun, laughing and joking. michelle = samantha and alexis's friend who is always sleeping in the void deck corner. the boycott of the western food stall, running away from pe all the time, or making friends with the security guard uncle, and my half day offs.
sitting at tanglin club this afternoon with alex did bring back many memories. i miss the acjc i knew. the people who were there with me in those happy days. the days when i was known not as michelle/miche/michy/meechy. but just CHANG.
as i said to sam on msn last night,
True friends will last a lifetime. We might not always be there for them but they for us. But it is the little things in life that makes the difference. it is the simple email sent, or the quiet sms, or just a call to say hi i miss talking to you, that tells us that we remain in your life, and you in ours.
Friendship is for a lifetime. We might go different ways and separate paths, but the bond we share as friends will never s'ver. life is a journey and at each stage, we have to make choices and live with the choices we made. there are always unknowns to be dealt with.
I am especially attached to the sec fours of this year i guess, having watch you grow up literally, al, val, sonia, sam, paul, bryan, john, auyong, rachel, michelle. even driel and jake who came into my life rather suddenly. just wanted to tell you guys, that as you come to a major cross road in your teenage life, be bold and make the choices you want. just know that no matter what the choice is, you will always have friends who will stand behind you and support you all the way. and not forget the friends you have made through the years. this is what that matters the most.
that walk down memory, told me to remember my old ties while i journey on in life with new company by my side.
to all of you who have walked with me and alongside me at each and every stage of my life, thank you and here's to many years more of friendship. =)
Wednesday, July 12, 2006 @3:28 AM
every journey taken is a journey of experience and knowledge. with each journey i undertake, i go away feeling ever more the smallness of my existence and the humility i need to possess. the big fish in the small pond, realises that in a world of relativity, it aint that big after all.
when you were young, you use to think that you want to learn everything that you could. and there comes a stage in life where you tell the elders and seniors in your life, let me be independent. i know what i am doing. but standing at the age of 22 today, i realised how childish and wilful that statement sounds. we never know what we are doing, because we are always learning. learning from people around us, learning about the world we inhabit. learning about the things we never knew could be done, by people who are just like you and i but with more passion and conviction. each journey awakens me. alerts me to things i never knew could be possible. bring me friends, in a miraculous way. but also takes some away.
waxing lyrical now. i try very hard to be a strong person in the presence of many of you. and i know that i often am. the softer and weaker side of me, has hardly been seen by any of you. not even when i had to let go of the one person whom i felt happy and at home with. and i often wonder if this is right. but then again, when i am done with my random bursts of reflexivity, i know that this is the only way things can be and have to be. there is no alternative.
i dont know if i am truly that strong a person. i dont know what or who is it that i deserve. i dont know what is my purpose in life, what is the direction that has been set for me by God. i dont know what is it that i hold true to myself. i dont know what is it that i truly want to be or want to do. i dont know many things about life and i dont know many things about myself.
but i know, life is complex. life will be hard at times and along the way. i know that while i am tired, drained and maxed out not by the things i do, but by the multitude of emotions that swirl around me and the many disappointments and setbacks in life, life will go on. crap happens, but we pick up and go on. that is the mark of a true strong personality.
perhaps it is me. or some innate desire to be self-sacrificing, but i am always giving away the ones i love, giving away the ones i want to keep by my side. but truly, happiness is only happiness when the world shares in it. what is the point of me being happy when the people i have around me aint. the big picture versus the missing piece.
some can read me really well. some just cant understand the way i am or the way i operate and live my life. i do want to run away and hide in a corner of the world sometimes. i do want to be cold and aloof to everyone around. i do want to be invisible. i dont need to be loved by all and everyone. i dont need to be the bright spark or the life of the party. i am uncomfortable around excess emotions and too many people. i am unapologetic for my flaws and shortcomings. i want to fall asleep on the shoulders of the one person who loves me for all the things i am, who will give me a sense of relief. most of all, i want to live my life according to my own terms.
miche is waxing lyrical.
Monday, July 10, 2006 @12:08 AM
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
for you i bleed myself dry.
-Coldplay, Yellow
you bleed just to know you're alive
-Goo Goo Dolls, Iris
Sunday, July 09, 2006 @5:28 PM
the opposite of love isnt hate but indifference.
when you stop caring or feeling for the world around you, you stop living.
yet, when all you do isnt for yourself but for the world around you, then what is the value of your life?
passion and drive versus the need to manage others.
a cross roads and forked decision.
what is life.
Saturday, July 08, 2006 @3:31 AM
Runaway Train
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
CHORUS
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same
meechy's blog is pretty much the only thing i read online nowadays. i am being drowned by the numerous emails i get every day. it is mad. no one should be living a life like that. hai.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006 @10:49 PM
the stupid happy tree friends theme is stuck in miche's head. what the crap. dont know why it is stuck in miche's head for no reason.
my parents are talking about coconuts. haha miche wants to use the car but she is sure that her dad wont let her near it. man. why. i am going out later and i want to use the car!!! shucks.
haha oh well.
